You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
