How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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