dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
