I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
