I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
