Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
