The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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