Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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