I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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