dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
