Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
