I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I supernannyed him into submission
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
