In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
