It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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