I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
