Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Vodka?
Forever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize