Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to make out with him forever
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
