I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
