I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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