Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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