My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
