whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize