He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
