My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
