I just pynch a tree in the face
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
