id be glad to
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
