dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
