We're facebook friends in real life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You may now shotgun with the bride
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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