talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
