Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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