i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
