well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
