Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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