I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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