based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
