Redeem this text for a blowjob
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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