I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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