Umm I'm too high to move.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
