So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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