Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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