it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
