id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
