You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
