she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
