I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
