For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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