the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I FOUND THE LEGS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
