I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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