Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
