I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
