I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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