sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let's get the cat blown out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
