he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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