Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
3 2 1 whiskey
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
