I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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