She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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