This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
