I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
