she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
