Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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