I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
