she woke up with a sticky ear
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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