I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
