If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
