literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize