She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
