God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
